Letting Go of "If I Do This, I Won't Feel That"

There’s a recurring idea that keeps surfacing in different areas of life for me, one I’m sure many can relate to.

It goes something like this: “If I do blank, then I won’t have to feel blank.”

For younger people, it might sound like, “If I figure out my career or decide whether or not to marry, then I won’t feel lost.” Yet, anyone who's gone through significant life decisions can tell you that the feeling of being lost still shows up even after making decisions. It’s part of the human experience.

Another common version of this thought appears in romantic relationships. Many think, “If I find the right partner, I won’t feel lonely anymore.” But anyone in a long-term relationship knows loneliness doesn’t magically disappear, even with a partner. Human emotions persist regardless of external circumstances.

Then there’s regret.

We often believe that if we make the right choices, we won’t have to feel regret.

But I’ve been reflecting a lot on regret lately and realized that trying to avoid it doesn’t work. Regret is just another emotion that comes and goes. Instead of organizing my life to avoid it, I’ve started making peace with regret. The more I let myself feel it and have them, the easier life becomes. It’s a feeling that doesn’t need to define my future, but it can help me live more fully.

What about you? What are you avoiding feeling?

So many adults end up feeling numb, avoiding emotions altogether.

But I want to be a human who feels the full range of emotions because that’s what makes me feel alive.

Are you interested in feeling alive?

Do you want to experience the full spectrum of emotions alongside me?

Let me know what you think.