A Different Direction: When I Can't Stop Thinking

I received a question from a viewer named Taeya, who has been exploring past videos on parts work (Internal Family Systems - IFS).

She asked about breaking patterns of thought. Specifically, Taya wanted to know what to do when irrelevant thoughts arise and the brain feels eager to revisit past stories, even though she knows they aren't important.

She wants to focus on the present but struggles with these intrusive thoughts.

First, I want to acknowledge that Taeya has already taken an important step by recognizing that her brain is eager to pay attention to these irrelevant thoughts.

This awareness is crucial.

It's noticing that your brain wants to go down a familiar path, but you have a choice of where to focus.

We've talked about parts work before, and this involves understanding the different parts of yourself.

But there's also a broader awareness, a wider perspective that encompasses more than just our immediate thoughts.

For Taeya, and for anyone dealing with similar issues, it's about recognizing this wider awareness, beyond our individual characters.

Often, we try to stop thinking about something by focusing on NOT thinking about it, which ironically makes us think about it more.

Imagine a dog with a chew toy.

If we try to take the toy away, the dog wants it more. Instead, we can let the dog chew on the toy, knowing that eventually, the dog will get bored, hungry, or want to go outside. They’ll give it up eventually.

We can apply this to our thoughts as well.

Instead of fighting them, we can acknowledge them and let them be.

Here’s a personal example that I’m working through right now.

There's someone I love that comes to mind often, but one could argue it’s not appropriate or wise to spend a lot of time thinking about them. (Processing feelings is different than thinking about them in this example).

My brain is like a dog with a chew toy, fixating on these thoughts.

Instead of fighting it, I observe my brain's desire to chew on these thoughts.

I step back and watch my mind go through this process without judgment.

I practice backing up into a state of awareness and noticing the quietness and stillness surrounding these thoughts.

This method is much easier than trying to force myself not to think about that person.

It's like dropping the rope in a tug of war.

When I stop fighting, the intensity of the thoughts fades, and I can let the thoughts be without getting caught up in them.

So, Taeya, I encourage you to try this approach.

Let yourself have those thoughts without fighting them, and see what changes.

I'm always happy to answer viewer questions, so feel free to comment or get in touch with me to ask yours for future video content.